Dear GF911: Will You Be Bringing the Condoms, Or Shall I ;)?
I’ve been casually dating a guy for about four months. He’s a nice, smart guy who really knows how to wine and dine me, basically the perfect gentleman. The only problem is nothing physical has happened in all these months. He hasn't even French kissed me
- just a peck here and there. I was so excited a couple of weeks ago when he invited me to go to wine country for a three day weekend. I wasn’t sure how to have the “sex on vacation” discussion, so I sent him a text saying “Will you be bringing the condoms, or shall I ;)?" It took him several hours to respond. When he did, he said we should talk about it, but we never did. We went on vacation, slept in the same bed, and NOTHING happened. He didn’t touch me all weekend. I’ve hardly heard from him since we’ve been back. I think he might even be dating someone else now. I don’t understand what has happened here. Did I do something wrong? Am I missing something here?
Wined, Dined …and Declined :(
Dear Wined, Dined … and Declined,
Ever heard of the expression “don’t put the cart before the horse?” Basically, it means do things in the proper order. You really need to “read the signs” in this situation. I have a whole chapter about this in my book, Girlfriend 911. There were some huge red flags here. If you’ve been dating a guy for four months and absolutely nothing sexual has happened, not even a real kiss, that’s a HUGE sign that there is some sort of problem. I think it would have been a lot wiser if you’d had a discussion with him about why he’s been dating you for so long, and yet has never made a move. First, I would’ve asked him what his intentions were, and what's to be expected of you over the weekend. Does he just want to be friends? Is he looking for something more? Second, if he does expect more or want more, then I would’ve asked him why he hasn’t made any kind of sexual moves towards you before now. Either way, I think the condom discussion was way out of left field when you hadn’t even talked about the lack of intimacy yet. In the future, best to figure out why he can’t even get to first base BEFORE you go discussing home runs :)