Is Your Relationship Totally Off the Hook?! Or Are You Actually ..."On the Hook?"


The dreaded term "on the hook" was made popular by the TV show "How I Met Your Mother," and it revealed a phenomenon that is all too common today. Most of us have been strung along at some point in our lives by a significant other (or have even strung others along). You know what I'm talkin' about. When that one person you're most connected to, or maybe even in love with, has given you false hope, leading you to believe that maybe someday they'll be ready to be in a real relationship with you. Just "not right now." They don't want you, but they don't want you out of the picture either, so they keep you at arms length, hooked!!

You took the bait. You were reeled in. And now there you are, dangling from that hook. Just waiting. Waiting to see if you're a keeper, or a throw back. Since you haven't been let off the hook, then certainly you're a keeper, right?  Sound familiar?  

If you've found yourself on the hook, for a few months, or even years, you're not alone.  We've all been there. The important thing is that you step back, see the big picture, and realize your situation is going nowhere. Remember, only you have the power to change your situation, create a standard for yourself and a boundary for your man. Trust me, you'll find it freeing and healing when you do.  However, we can all only reach that conclusion when we are truly ready to detach our hearts, and everyone's timing is different.

Many women ask me why a man would keep them on the hook. I have a few theories.

1. Ego - Some men like to know that there's a woman nearby who feels the way you do. It feeds their ego. They keep you around solely to access that feeling of being loved, even though it's unrequited love.
2. Sex - I'll be honest. Some men will keep you around just for sex. They know you are a sure thing, so why not?
3. Backup - Some men will want you in the wings, just in case something better doesn't come along. You're the fallback girl.

None of these are self esteem builders, or make us feel good as women, that's for sure!  So cut your losses and move forward.  If you need help be sure to read my book, Girlfriend 911 - Decoding Dating and Rescuing Relationships One Girlfriend at a Time: http://amzn.to/1tytbG7  It's a real game changer.  I'm here for you, girlfriend! You can also contact me at Girlfriend911@live.com



Emotionally Shut Down Men. Who's To Blame?

How many of you ladies out there have dealt with emotionally shut down men? Men who refuse to communicate their feelings, disappear when things seem to be going great, and leave you trying to figure out what they're thinking, and what you've done wrong to make them act in such a maddening and frustrating manner. Here's a great article from a man's point of view that might help explain why men are conditioned to behave this way. Is it the fault of the men? Or the women?  http://bit.ly/1viGBsZ

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Straight, refreshing, honest advice. A "must read" for everyone in the dating world. Very helpful whether you're in a relationship or not. It's one of those books you will want to keep nearby to refer to often. Get one for yourself and a few to have on hand for your friends. They will love you for it!

 

How Men Deal With Intimacy When They Are Just Starting To Experience It

This is an interesting comment from relationship expert, Christian Carter, from the MALE point of view. I know this one will resonate with a lot of you ladies because it makes so much sense, and I'm sure you've all experienced this in one form or another. And we wonder why men are so hard to read:

"Here's an insight about men that's fascinating and strange and that, once you understand it, is going to stop a lot of the pain and frustration you experience with dating and relationships.

When a man gets truly close to a woman and deeply intimate for any extended period of time, he loves that feeling and wants more of it. But the strange part of this is that the moment a man experiences this period of intense closeness, he will take some space for himself.

I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but it's how most men work emotionally. Most men will actually seek some amount of space to "recover." It's kind of like how after a muscle gets worked out it needs to rest before it can grow stronger and be active again.

Men can become distant even in good relationships, and if you know what to do, you can keep your guy physically and emotionally engaged... even when he needs time to recover."

The Importance Of Intimacy In Your Relationship


A male client of mine recently told me that his relationship was lacking intimacy. I assumed he meant sex because men usually equate intimacy with sex, but I was wrong. What he actually meant was communication. He didn't feel he and his partner communicated, he didn't feel connected to her, and thus the intimacy was lacking. Communication is one of the key factors in a relationship, and it was so refreshing to hear that from the male point of view. Men also want to be able to have partners that they can communicate with, that they can share their inner most thoughts and feelings with. The deeper the communicative bond, the deeper the connection, and the deeper the connection the greater the intimacy. Nothing is sexier to me than a man who is open and wants intimacy not only through sex, but more importantly through communication.