A Jarring Reminder That Abuse Doesn't Have To Be Physical To Turn Fatal!

When we think of domestic violence we usually associate it with only physical abuse. However, emotional abuse is also domestic violence, but is rarely considered as such. Oftentimes emotional abuse can have far worse consequences, not only because there are no broken bones, police reports, or trips to the Emergency Room, but because the women that are being emotionally abused don't even realize it. They don't notice that they're being manipulated and controlled, and more often than not, isolated from their family and friends.  Usually there are so many red flags that are sadly ignored by the women in these abusive situations. This is a tragic story that unfortunately turned fatal. A cautionary tale so please read and make sure this never happens to you! http://huff.to/2bAGGHE

Praise For GIRLFRIEND 911 - Download Your Copy from Amazon today!!

I received an email yesterday from a client I worked with about five years ago. She's in the middle of going through a break-up and needed some major relationship help.  She decided to reread my book, GIRLFRIEND 911. She also wrote a kick-ass Goodbye Letter - honest, authentic and powerful. So for those of you who've read my book (download a copy here: http://amzn.to/2bzf1an) and need help writing a Goodbye Letter here's a great example. Check it out:

Hi Jacquee!!

Not sure if you remember me, but you helped me about 5 years ago (OMG!) with my ex who was also the father of my child. I read your book, GIRLFRIEND 911 and implemented the steps. I'm so glad that I didn't end up with him!!!!! 

Anyway, I'm on the heels of another breakup. I really liked this guy a lot so I re-read GIRLFRIEND 911, and felt so much more power and strength in who I am now compared to who I was 5 years ago! 
So, I wrote my ex (3 weeks ago to this date) a Goodbye Letter after he suggested we hang out as friends. And the whole process has been an honest to goodness text book example of what you say in your book. I just am at awe...and wanted to share it with you. I think the last time I followed your program, he really wasn't the guy for me. Even though I wanted to hold on to him with a death grip so we could keep our family together, he wasn't the one. And I'm soooo okay with that. This new guy, has so much more potential, but I'm willing to let go and surrender so much more easily. 
I've enclosed my Goodbye Letter below. 

Thanks so much for all your great advice in the book!!!! I'm excited to see where this will end up. Either way, I feel strong and powerful after implementing your program. 

Much love!!!
Alison


Dear Greg,
Seeing you last night made me realize how much I miss you and how much the attraction is still there. I was excited at the prospect of being able to hang out with you this weekend. When I asked you about Sunday, you seemed a little aloof, did you change your mind? 
I have been processing this loss and I have been wondering where it all went wrong. I feel that when we had our relationship talk, we both agreed to keep taking things slowly and felt we were on the same page. I felt you pulling away before that, but understood that maybe you were not feeling the relationship anymore. That's why I initiated the talk to see where we both were. If you weren't feeling it then, I wish that you would have been completely honest with me. It could have saved me some time and heartbreak. The distancing that you showed me when you returned from your trip was disempowering and hurtful. 
I feel that you pull away and close your heart when things get real. I know that every relationship goes through periods of disconnection. It's just how it goes. I should have asked you what I could have done to get the connection back, and I'm sorry that I didn't. I would have done anything, and I know you would have done the same. I am still willing to do anything to get it back. I wish you would have asked me what I expect out of you and had been honest if you couldn't deliver. I still don't think you know what I want, and feel that that miscommunication played a big factor in the down fall of everything. I wasn't able to articulate it when we talked a couple of weeks ago, but time and thinking has really allowed me to figure it out.    
We've also both agreed that we had some great fun times together, and that this was our most mature relationship with anyone. We did so many fun and adventurous things together, and  shared a lot of great memories. You were with me at some really low and healing times. I appreciate your strength in being there for me. Thank you so much. I really wish that you could be with me now and see who I really am when I am a lot stronger. 

I totally adore you. I feel like this has been my best relationship. I was excited to have an amazing partner who was goofy, nurturing, an excellent provider, communicative, adventurous and an amazing cuddler.  I did see your feelings for me in your eyes a few times.  
I want you to know that although I do appreciate your invitation to want to meet up and catch up, I have to be honest and let you know that I want to be more than friends. And if that isn't something that you are interested in exploring, then I will have to gracefully decline the invitation. If it is something that is crossing your mind, I would be open and more than willing to talk.  
You have inspired me to be a better person. To seek healing for things that needed healing. All of this in order to be a better partner. Thank you for that. I wish you would have reached out to me when your heart started to close....Mine remained open. It makes me so sad that your heart is blocked and that for some reason a protective wall has come up. I want you to know that you can trust me and talk to me about anything. I know that if we do choose to work on a relationship together, it's going to be amazing. Please don't close your heart anymore, open it up to great love! You are so amazing and deserve to be loved, nurtured and cherished.
Love always, 
Alison



Dear GF911: How Do I Stop Myself From Calling My Ex?

Dear Girlfriend 911

I read your book and did what it says, but now I am having a hard time trying to not call my ex. What should I do? Thank you!


Sandra


Dear Sandra,

Thank you for reading my book, GIRLFRIEND 911 and for reaching out to me.  


My advice is to reread my book and follow the steps I clearly lay out when you’re having a hard time after you’ve sent a Goodbye Letter and you’re waiting to see if he reaches out or not. 


Step Number One:

Feed your Soul - stay busy and make sure you’re doing things that make you happy. Do things that feel pleasurable to you and don’t involve a guy.  You should do all the things you enjoyed doing before this man consumed your life in the first place.

Step Number Two:

Make an Anger List -  Make a list of all the things he’s done in the past that have hurt you. An Anger List is a wonderful reminder of why he had to go, why you’re doing what you’re doing, and why he’s not allowed to come back until he comes up to your standard.

Step Number Three:

Remember your Personal Mantra: New You doesn’t settle for anything less than what you deserve. 

Step Number Four:

Don’t Go Rogue - Remind yourself there’s a reason you’ve written him a Goodbye Letter and sent him on his way. That reason being that whatever your relationship was, it wasn’t working. You obviously weren’t happy, your needs weren’t being met and your wants weren’t being fulfilled. So why would you want to call him, if you already know that unless something changes, it’s just going to be the same merry-go-round you’ve been on? If you want to keep doing the same thing and you’re expecting a different result, go right ahead, but that’s the definition of insanity. Better to follow steps 1-4 which I laid out for you above and see if your guy is so sad that you’re no longer in his life that he is willing to make some crucial changes to win you back. And if he isn’t, well that’s your answer.  Don’t you deserve to be with someone that makes you happy and that wants the same things you want? Someone that is willing to make the necessary compromises and changes in order for you to have a healthy and happy relationship. I say that you do! So don’t call him, wait and see if he calls you, and if anything has changed at that point.

I hope this helps you.
 

Girlfriend 911

10 Things You Learn From Being In Too Many Casual Flings!


If you're in a casual relationship or a "friends with benefits" situation and you're wanting more, this is a must read! I could've written this article, because as I like to say flings in theory always sound like such a great idea; casual, fun, exciting, and spontaneous - so what's not to like? But the reality is far different. When you're doing the "casual" thing and there are no rules, standards or boundaries, and you're not allowed to have expectations, it rarely ends well.  When you're young i.e. in your twenties, flings are necessary and part of growing up and life experience. But for those of us in our late thirties and older, holding out for real love and a long-term committed relationship is where it's at, and what ultimately will make us the happiest. But if you don't believe me check out these 10 reasons why casual flings are overrated, don't work, and often leave us feeling powerless and bad about ourselves.  The author is spot on with each and every point she makes! http://elitedai.ly/2b3yP64



Dear Girlfriend 911: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?


Dear Girlfriend 911,

Loved your book,  great advice!

I have been in a relationship with a much younger man for about 2 years. I made many of the mistakes you outlined in your book, and the relationship was rocky, but he says he is ready to commit to me on my terms. The problem is, after finding out about what he did while we were together, I don't know if I can trust him. I am still very hurt by his actions and I am not sure I can move forward with him now. I know he loves me, but I am having a very difficult time getting past the lies and deception.

It seems that you advocate forgiving all transgressions made by the man as long as he comes around and is ready to commit on the women's terms. Is that true? Traditional wisdom says once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you not believe that? I would much appreciate your opinion and advice because I am really struggling with this.

Thank you,
Joanne

Dear Joanne,

Thanks for reaching out to me and for your kinds words.

I definitely do not advocate forgiving all transgressions made by a man as long as he comes around and is ready to commit on the woman's terms. I'm not sure where in the book you thought that, or what kind of transgressions you are talking about. What I do believe is the following; the only reason the man is behaving badly in the first place is because the woman has no standard for herself, no boundary for him, and is allowing the bad behavior to continue. So, if you've read my book and are now sticking to a high standard for yourself, there shouldn't be any bad behaviors from your man, because the minute he steps out of line, it's up to you to put a stop to it and explain to him why that kind of behavior is unacceptable.

If you are specifically talking about cheating, I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater.  Instead, I think it really needs to be decided on a case-by-case basis.  Certainly, if there are enough red flags in the relationship; cheating, lying and deception are NOT good signs. I know women are very intuitive, so my best advice to you is to just listen to your gut. If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't.  Trust and communication are two of the most important factors in having a healthy relationship. So if you can't trust him, then you absolutely shouldn't be in this relationship. However, if you think that your behavior and your lack of standards in the relationship contributed to the way he had been behaving, then change your behavior and see if he changes his. And if he doesn't, then that is your clear sign this man must go.

I hope this helps you.

Girlfriend 911

My Top FIve Online Dating Red Flags

Spotting red flags – and acting accordingly when you do – is crucial when it comes to dating and relationships [a red flag is defined as a warning of danger or a problem, a necessary indicator that something is not right]. For those of you who are online dating, trying to make a romantic connection with someone you haven’t met or seen in-person can often make it much harder to spot red flags.  Here are my top five online dating red flags.  Pay attention and don't ignore them!

5-Online Dating Red Flags

1: A picture-less profile -- If you're online dating you are the product and you have to sell yourself to the best of your ability. A good profile picture is the first step to doing that. It's the first, and might be the only impression you get to make to potential online suiters. If there is no profile picture, that's a big red flag. It tells me you're either trying to hide something, you don't feel good about yourself, or comfortable putting yourself out there, or you're not taking online dating seriously -- all factors that are an instant turn-off. I instruct my clients to not even bother to look at anyone's profile without a profile picture.

10 Tips for Planning Your Destination Wedding | A Photographer’s Perspective

"Weddings are, by nature, stressful affairs. And destination weddings, for all the beauty and majesty that accompanies them, only add another level of anxiety to what should generally count among the most memorable days in the lives of the event’s central players."  My friend, Jillian Kogan's talented brother, Joshua Kogan, has travelled the globe and photographed numerous destination weddings. Check out these amazing wedding tips that he's picked up along the way: http://huff.to/2ae8i33