Are You Following Your Heart, Or Following Your Fear?

To follow your heart seems like the simplest, easiest and most logical relationship advice and yet most people, especially women don't. They convince themselves they're following their hearts, but what they're really following is their fear.  Fear, that they will end up single and alone, fear that society will judge them, fear that they will run out of time to have children, fear that they won't be financially secure, fear, fear, fear. This is one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high, or married couples are so unhappy, because at some point this truth is revealed -- they never really listened to their hearts, they listened to their fear.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I don't believe in Valentine's Day as being that one special day to honor and care for your partner.  I think couple's should celebrate and appreciate each other every day.  However, as it is Valentine's Day, I thought this quote was some of the best advice I've seen in a long time and a real game changer.  Real intimacy -- into me see -- comes when you can truly see your partner and help them be the best that they can be.

A Hundred And One Excuses To Text And Call Men -- When Women Know They Shouldn't!


Why do women always find a 101 excuses why men don't text or call them? And when they don't hear from them, why do they text and call way too often just to make certain they haven't forgotten about them? The truth is, when a man is ready for a commitment, ready to be in a relationship, ready to be with you, nothing will stop him from stepping it up and sending you all the right signals so you never have to worry that he's not into you. I came across this blurb on my 
Facebook feed and it just reinforced for me everything I talk about in my book GIRLFRIEND 911. When a man is truly interested in you he will move mountains to be with you. That's it. Period.

"When a man is truly interested in you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. Men are born to pursue women. Yes, you can pursue a man if you want to, but in most cases that's just an obvious sign that he's not into you. It's not natural for a man to sit back and let the woman do all the work. For a man who claims to like you to sit back and allow you to do all of the calling, texting, dating arrangements, talks about the future etc...it's pretty obvious where you stand in that man's life. When a man really wants you, you won't have to chase after him like he's some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be his priority!"  

Dear Girlfriend 911: I'm Having An Affair And Can't Let Go Of It


Dear Girlfriend 911,

I read your book and I think you can really help me.  I'm married, but I had a short term relationship with another man, and I feel like I can't let go of it.  I need to find the True Self concepts in your book, and figure out how to send the Goodbye Letter which my heart can't stand to do, but knows that it should.

Thanks for the good information your provide in your book.  It really made me think.

Kind regards,

Amy

Dear Amy,

Anytime you're not getting what you want from a relationship or situation, it's causing you more pain than joy, and you feel out of control and disempowered, that's a sure sign that it's time to get out. It doesn't mean that getting out will be for good, but you must change the balance of power. You need to empower yourself, get in the driver's seat and draw a line in the sand. The Goodbye Letter is the perfect way to do that because as I say in my book,  "This is not necessarily a goodbye to your man, but instead a goodbye to the old way of doing things. You are putting

Dear Girlfriend 911: Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater?


Dear Girlfriend 911,

Loved your book,  great advice!

I have been in a relationship with a much younger man for about 2 years. I made many of the mistakes you outlined in your book, and the relationship was rocky, but he says he is ready to commit to me on my terms. The problem is, after finding out about what he did while we were together, I don't know if I can trust him. I am still very hurt by his actions and I am not sure I can move forward with him now. I know he loves me, but I am having a very difficult time getting past the lies and deception.

It seems that you advocate forgiving all transgressions made by the man as long as he comes around and is ready to commit on the women's terms. Is that true? Traditional wisdom says once a cheater, always a cheater. Do you not believe that? I would much appreciate your opinion and advice because I am really struggling with this.

Thank you,
Joanne

Dear Joanne,

Thanks for reaching out to me and for your kinds words.

I definitely do not advocate forgiving all transgressions made by a man as long as he comes around and is ready to commit on the woman's terms. I'm not sure where in the book you thought that, or what kind of transgressions you are talking about. What I do believe is the following; the only reason the man is behaving badly in the first place is because the woman has no standard for herself, no boundary for him, and is allowing the bad behavior to continue. So, if you've read my book and are now sticking to a high standard for yourself, there shouldn't be any bad behaviors from your man, because the minute he steps out of line, it's up to you to put a stop to it and explain to him why that kind of behavior is unacceptable.

If you are specifically talking about cheating, I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater.  Instead, I think it really needs to be decided on a case-by-case basis.  Certainly, if there are enough red flags in the relationship; cheating, lying and deception are NOT good signs. I know women are very intuitive, so my best advice to you is to just listen to your gut. If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't.  Trust and communication are two of the most important factors in having a healthy relationship. So if you can't trust him, then you absolutely shouldn't be in this relationship. However, if you think that your behavior and your lack of standards in the relationship contributed to the way he had been behaving, then change your behavior and see if he changes his. And if he doesn't, then that is your clear sign this man must go.

I hope this helps you.

Girlfriend 911

Dear GF911: Help!! I Dreamed My Ex-Boyfriend Died!


Dear Girlfriend 911,

I had the craziest dream last night. I dreamt that my ex-boyfriend died and I attended his visitation. We had a difficult relationship with a painful breakup. I wanted to marry him, and he was a commitment phobe so we broke up and got back together many times until I think we finally ended things in February.   He and I have not spoken, or seen each other since then which has been really good for me, but this dream really freaked me out.

I'm in a new relationship, we've been together since April and I'm very happy.  Just wondering what your thoughts are about where this crazy dream came from, and what it might mean?

Thanks,

Natalie

Dear Natalie,

I think your dream is not about a literal death, but rather a figurative one. It's about the death of your relationship, the fact that you and your ex are done, your karma is over and someone new and better is coming into your life, or as you stated, is already in your life. 

It's almost like your ex came to say goodbye to you in that dream and you got to say goodbye to him. Again not literally, but figuratively. And now that you have a new person in your life, which may end up being "the one" my interpretation would be that your dream is just confirmation that you and your ex are actually finally done. 


It sounds like your ex could never give you what you deserved and what you wanted, so the dream signifies that chapter in your life is over and has ended. Hopefully the new guy you’re now dating can step up and be everything you want, deserve and need him to be. 

I hope this helps you. 

Best, 

Girlfriend 911

You Complete Me? No, That's All Wrong - Complete Yourself First!


I saw Bridget Jones's Baby this past weekend and absolutely loved it! It made me think of Jerry Maguire and that famous line Tom Cruise says to Renee Zellweger, "You complete me." It's such an awesome line, don't we all wish a guy would say that to us?  Well the truth is NO, because if you really want to have a healthy relationship, its so important for both parties to already be complete human beings; not ones that need to be saved, rescued or completed. So do the work on yourself, sort out your stuff and become whole. That's how you will find and attract true love into your life. As I say in my book GIRLFRIEND 91, "[in a} a union of true soul mates, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Each person benefits and flourishes in a way they could never do on their own. In such a relationship neither partner should ever have to compromise being who they are; rather, each should support the other."