Happy International Women's Day!

Happy International Women's Day! I hope all you ladies out there are being appreciated for everything that you do today and every day.  Let's celebrate being women, being different, our uniqueness, and the amazing contributions women make to our world!

Dear GF911: Advice Please?

Dear Girlfriend 911,

I have thoroughly read your book and think it is a great read. Thank you so much for writing this book and providing insight on dating, relationships and men.

After a year and a half friendship with a man, he decided he wanted to "step up his game" (his words). He let me know that he knows he wants to be with me when he gets ready and I am the only person he has feelings for like that. We have talked about the number of kids we want to have, marriage, etc, however, is giving me mixed signals.

Throughout our friendship, we have always had an interest in one another and didn't act on it until he let me know how he really felt and two months after that we became intimate. He continues to be distant, doesn't always respond to calls and text messages, so I have decided to do the same. I respond to every other text message and I see the energy shifting, but it is a slow process. I did ask him if we were ready to move things forward and he was honest in telling me he has fear of failure and destroying our friendship. He told me he wants to remain friends and we can do that with or without continuing to be intimate. I let him know I am scared too. I am not sure what happened that made him make this shift, to go from talking about spending the rest of our lives together to now wanting to stop at friendship, because of fear of failure.

There are positives, he values what we do have and he was honest with me, but of course I want more and I want it all. Recently, we had some miscommunication, where he thought I was spending time with another man, that was not the case, but text messaging can get confusing. From that, I found out he is jealous if I spend time with someone else and he asked me what I do when he isn't around (he travels a lot) and I asked him the same question. Both of us said, we are by ourselves and I asked why he asked me that question and he said, you don't know unless you ask.

I REALLY want things to work out with this man. We share similar interests, he has qualities I do admire, however his lack of communication and inconsistency is frustrating me. Of course, I am scared to send the Goodbye Letter. I walked away from him in November, he told me he would have to swallow hard and let me go. It drove me crazy, so I caved after 2 weeks, we talked and have gone back to our same routine because for me it was better for him to be around than not at all.

Could you please provide me some thoughts on what I have stated about my relationship.

Thank you so much. I want 2013 to be a great year for me and I want that to include a committed relationship.


Dear Christie,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write and for your very kind words. 

It sounds to me that although this man clearly has some serious feelings for you something is stopping him from wanting to take it to the next level and have that long-term committed relationship with you.  Maybe it's his fear of failure, but I'm 
not sure if I buy that entirely. We all fear failure, but most of us manage to take the leap of faith. Anyway, the bottom line is, it doesn't matter what the reason is that is stopping him from being in your life 100%, what matters is what you do. Good for you for understanding that it is NOT okay to be in a "friends with benefit situation," and being just his platonic friend is not an option for you because that is NOT being true to yourself. Your truth Christie is that you're in love with this man, and you want a committed relationship with him. So your only option for your situation is to send him a Goodbye Letter, and to cut him out of your life. He can't come back in until he's ready, and if he's never ready as hard as that is to accept, that is your answer. Trust me knowing that will save you years and years of pain and heartache. 

I know you said you tried it before and then caved, but the problem is, if you keep caving he's never going to take what you're saying seriously. He's always going to think he can manipulate you into getting what he wants, and more importantly what is comfortable for him. Either "friends with benefits," or platonic friends, which you and I both know will eventually turn into "friends with benefits" because when there's love and chemistry and attraction there, it's just impossible to stay platonic friends. Remember what the definition of insanity is: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Have the courage to send him the Goodbye Letter otherwise it's going to be Groundhog Day for you!

Girlfriend 911

Are You Following Your Heart, Or Following Your Fear?

To follow your heart seems like the simplest, easiest and most logical relationship advice and yet most people, especially women don't. They convince themselves they're following their hearts, but what they're really following is their fear.  Fear, that they will end up single and alone, fear that society will judge them, fear that they will run out of time to have children, fear that they won't be financially secure, fear, fear, fear. This is one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high, or married couples are so unhappy, because at some point this truth is revealed -- they never really listened to their hearts, they listened to their fear.

Dear GF911: A Letter of Gratitude

Dear Girlfriend 911,

Even though I don't know you, I felt compelled to write and tell you so that you know that reading your book and following your advice saved me, and possibly my life! I am not even joking.  Cutting off communication with my ex was not only healing, but eye opening on what I really need in a realtionship. If I would have kept going on trying to be "friends" with him, the confusion would have made me do something that I would be embarrassed about, or worse, I would have looked psycho to everyone. Not sure what I would have done, and I shudder at the thought of it.

So, now after almost one and half months of not talking, I finally have true clarity. I am completely over him and the situation! I am at pure peace and bliss right now. There was such a fog over my eyes and a hurt that I didn't want to confront. I give so much gratitude to you and your book, your insight and your advice. So many of my friends cannot believe how far I have come. I know that cutting communication with him really saved me. I cannot thank you enough!

I am sending so much love and light your way. Please know that I honestly could not have done this without you and your book. I am truly blessed to have you as a part of my life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Forever Grateful

You Complete Me? No, That's All Wrong - Complete Yourself First!

I saw Bridget Jones's Baby this past weekend and absolutely loved it! It made me think of Jerry Maguire and that famous line Tom Cruise says to Renee Zellweger, "You complete me." It's such an awesome line, don't we all wish a guy would say that to us?  Well the truth is NO, because if you really want to have a healthy relationship, its so important for both parties to already be complete human beings; not ones that need to be saved, rescued or completed. So do the work on yourself, sort out your stuff and become whole. That's how you will find and attract true love into your life. As I say in my book GIRLFRIEND 91, "[in a} a union of true soul mates, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Each person benefits and flourishes in a way they could never do on their own. In such a relationship neither partner should ever have to compromise being who they are; rather, each should support the other."

A Hundred And One Excuses To Text And Call Men -- When Women Know They Shouldn't!

Why do women always find a 101 excuses why men don't text or call them? And when they don't hear from them, why do they text and call way too often just to make certain they haven't forgotten about them? The truth is, when a man is ready for a commitment, ready to be in a relationship, ready to be with you, nothing will stop him from stepping it up and sending you all the right signals so you never have to worry that he's not into you. I came across this blurb on my 
Facebook feed and it just reinforced for me everything I talk about in my book GIRLFRIEND 911. When a man is truly interested in you he will move mountains to be with you. That's it. Period.

"When a man is truly interested in you, there will be no need for you to do the pursuing. Men are born to pursue women. Yes, you can pursue a man if you want to, but in most cases that's just an obvious sign that he's not into you. It's not natural for a man to sit back and let the woman do all the work. For a man who claims to like you to sit back and allow you to do all of the calling, texting, dating arrangements, talks about the future etc...it's pretty obvious where you stand in that man's life. When a man really wants you, you won't have to chase after him like he's some celebrity who barely has time for a fan. You will be his priority!"  

Kick-Ass Dating and Relationship Advice From Girlfriend 911!

Here is some kick-ass dating and relationship advice from my book, GIRLFRIEND 911. In any dating or relationship situation as long as you set a high standard for yourself you can never go wrong. Standards describe what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship. Your list of standards is basically your list of what you deserve.  Any time you accept anything less than what is on your list of standards, you are saying to a guy you're are not worthy of his love and respect. Here’s a fact men love women who love themselves, respect themselves and have the confidence to say no to a man in any situation where he doesn’t come up to her standard, or does something to put her down or make her feel less than.  

"If you want to be treated properly and respected by the man you’re dating, it is imperative that you create a list of standards for yourself. Think about these standards long and hard, and know that once you write them down, you can add to the list but not subtract from it. Your list of standards is basically your list of what you deserve. Any time you accept anything less than your list of standards, you are saying you are not worthy. On the contrary, the man you are with should feel like the luckiest guy on the planet to have landed you. Write down your list of standards and stick to them.” GIRLFRIEND 911 

Download your copy of GIRLFRIEND 911 here: http://amzn.to/2bzf1an