Dear Girlfriend 911, Urgent!!!! Part Two

Dear Girlfriend 911,

After reading your book, I was so excited to put your skills to work. But, didn't know how to effectively use them with a child involved. Thank you so much for your response. I know this will help other women as well.

I still haven't received an email from Matthew. I obsessively checked it for about a week. I felt so sad and lonely this weekend knowing he was out with Jodi having adventures and I was stuck at home. It hurts because all we ever did on the weekends was work and do chores on our land and house. Now he is fun dad, and when I get our daughter during the week I have to enforce the routines. Bedtimes and getting ready for school, etc. There is no time to have adventures with her. I am jealous and pissed at that fact!

This morning I realized that I've been obsessively checking my email and it was hurting my soul! It's in his hands now and it's his problem! He told me last Sunday after dropping off Jodi that he received my email and that  he was going to email me when he was finished doing his "stuff." That's why I have been obsessive! Apparently he has a long chore list!!!!  He has tried to ask questions not about parenting. I have replied that I won't talk about anything unless it involves Jodi. It does feel good to have that power and enforce it.

I do however, still feel so sad and lonely! I can't lie. I am not sure if it is from truly missing him or worrying that I won't find another partner.  I am 36, and the selection of men where I live is so small. I have no family here and can't just hop on a plane to visit my family whenever I want to. This is making it hard for me and increasing my loneliness. I just don't want to be weak Ann and do something stupid and give up my power. I have thought about sending another email or text. I know that's not okay. But I just want some sort of connection and answer to my question if he wants to be together or not. The worst feeling is being in limbo.

Girlfriend 911, I do so appreciate your help through this difficult time. I told my therapist all that I was doing to handle the situation. (Goodbye Letter and conversation about Jodi only) He was impressed with the grace and honesty in which I was handling the situation. He said that this was the perfect way to handle everything. I honestly couldn't have done it without your help. This program is therapist approved! At least by mine!

Thanks again!!!

Dear Ann,
I love that I'm “therapist approved," but how can I not be, my program and my advice is all about working with yourself. YOU taking control of your life and your relationships. YOU getting in the driver's seat and taking your power back, and YOU listening to yourself and your gut instincts about what feels right and what doesn't.  Never dropping your standards or allowing anything or anyone to make you not feel worthy. If you live your life by that standard, you can never go wrong, and hopefully your visits to your therapist will become less and less.

I know this might sound like strange advice, but you are not the one who is sad and lonely, and you are definitely not the one who is jealous and pissed off, it's Matthew that is actually experiencing all these emotions. Because you're so connected to him, you're just picking up on his energy. Yes these emotions can certainly feel like they are your own, but they are not!!  Your emotions are feelings of strength, power, control, and happiness. Matthew's emotions are everything you're picking up on; sad, lonely, pissed off and jealous.  He is sad and lonely that you've taken your power back and put him on the "naughty mat." He's also sad and lonely that you're not with him and your daughter out having adventures. He's very pissed off that you are now the one in control and calling all the shots, and he's beyond jealous at the fact that unless he changes his behavior, he's going to lose you and some other lucky guy will have the privilege of being in your life.

So now that I've pointed this out to you, I know the negative emotions will go away and anytime you feel them coming back, just remember these feelings are not your own, you're picking up on how Mattew feels and what he's going through now that you've Girlfriend 911'd him. I see this happen a lot with my private clients and as soon as they understand what is really going on, they feel so much better, as will you.

Don't worry that he hasn't responded to your email, he might not. Whatever you're doing is clearly working so don't email or text him again, and just try and get in a space of surrender and wait for him to figure stuff out and decide if wants to move forward with "New Ann." Also, never worry that you won't find another partner.  That is operating out of a place of fear. "New Ann" will attract the right person at the right time. You need to detach from the outcome and be open to there being an even better and happier life plan for you either with "New Matthew," or with someone else that is really special and worthy of all you have to offer. 

Girlfriend 911

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