Dear Girlfriend 911: Help! I Don't Know What to Say or How to Reply

Dear Girlfriend 911,

HELP!  I just received this letter from my boyfriend.

Hi Jill,

I am so far behind so I will have no time to play this weekend. Life not going as it should. I still need to go see David before he dies as there is unfinished business there.  I just have to stay focused on the priorities right now and I am sorry to say getting laid  and spending time with you is not one of them.

I will call you or you can call me, but I just need to get it done.


I don't know what to do, how to respond, or if I should respond at all.  I have been seeing him only on weekends, going there because he doesn't have a vehicle at the moment.  Here's the response I want to send, is it okay?

Hi Rick!

Happy to hear from you. 

I am sorry too.  But I understand.  Please give David my best and let him know I am thinking of him.

I will miss you.  Hope to hear from you soon :-)


Hi Jill, 

Thanks for reaching out to me. 

My advice is to read my book, Girlfriend 911. The response that you want to send to him is concerning to me, because it doesn't seem like you're not standing up for yourself. I would respond to Rick's email, but do not let him disrespect you. I have no problem with Rick needing to take a break from seeing you to deal with stuff, but the "getting laid and spending time with you is not a priority," did not sit well with me. Remember you only
deserve the best, and you only deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, anything less is not acceptable. Being in a long-term healthy relationship should be about a lot more than just the sex. You should be a priority in his life, or what is the point of being with this person in a relationship.

Here is an example of the kind of response I would send:

Hi Rick,

Of course you should do what you need to do. I do understand that life can be overwhelming and there are things that you need to take care of. However, I thought you were being incredibly disrespectful to me when you said, "getting laid and spending time with you is not a priority," and my feelings were definitely hurt. I'm not exactly sure where to go from here, but I know I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and you talking to me like that in this email is not okay with me. 

I hope this helps.

Girlfriend 911

Dear Girlfriend 911

Thank you, I appreciate and am very grateful, for your help.  

You're right.  I do need to stand up for myself.  I've never been very good at that, because I don't want to lose him.  However, I do deserve love and respect.  I know he shouldn't treat me this way, and I shouldn't accept the way he treats me and things he says to me.   

My parents divorced when I was 16, because my dad cheated on my mom.  My mom hated my dad for that.  They also argued for what seems like the whole time I was growing up.  I guess I didn't ever learn how to stand up for myself. Maybe because I grew up seeing how my dad treated my mom.  She didn't really stand up for herself and I probably grew up with the impression that this was how things are supposed to be.

I have read your book, but I will re-read it.  I should probably read it over and over until I quit letting men, and other people, say and do things to me that are disrespectful. Thank you for reminding me of this very important lesson. 

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