Dear Girlfriend 911: Should I Stay, Or Should I Go?


Dear Girlfriend 911,

I saw you on The Jeff Probst Show and the timing couldn't have been more perfect!

I have hit a rough patch with my "boyfriend" of almost 3 months. We met on an online dating site, but actually realized we had known each other back in high school. At the time though we were just acquaintances.

When I received his witty comment to my profile, I just knew he was for me! He was funny and witty and made me laugh like I had never laughed before! So after many emails and messages back and forth we finally made plans to get together and go out on a date. I had a fabulous time and it was alot of fun! We had some really amazing dates!  The problem I had at first was that I had a difficult time making conversation with him. I felt like a high school girl with a crush all giggly and shy! Well even after almost 3 months I have still had a difficult time striking up things to talk about. I think I am afraid I may say something that is not funny or witty enough for him.

After three months of dating my boyfriend had asked me and my daughter to move in with him. I agreed to a trial period seeing as though all my stuff would not fit in his house, and I didn't want to lose my place if things did not work out in the long run. Well no sooner had he asked me to move in with him, then he started going through a rough patch. He told me he was dealing with a lot of family stuff, and moving in together wasn't mentioned again. At the same time, I noticed he was becoming distant and backing off a bit. He said he wanted a break from all the drama. Next thing I know, he's unfriended me on Facebook and he got really mad at me for sending him emails wanting to know what happened and where I stood with him. Mind you, all our communication was always via facebook or emails.  So that was the only way I could communicate with him since he would not answer the phone when I called.

So, I am now at the point of do I just give him the space he asked for? Or tell him I am done with the crazy stuff and move on? I want to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them and who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. But I am having a hard time letting go of this relationship because of how I have felt physically and emotionally since we began dating.  I just need some guidance and advice from you. Should I just tell him I am done and move on since he obviously does not want me around him to help him through this difficult time, or or should I give him the time and let him figure out what our next step is whether it be us together or apart?

Sincerely,
Nancy

Dear Nancy,

Thank for you reaching out to me. Wow, you seem to be dealing with a lot! 

I'm definitely concerned by some of the things you've shared with me in your email.  Three months seems like such a short time to really get to know someone before making such a huge decision to
move in to together. Also, I don't like the fact that most of your communication is via Facebook and email, and you aren't speaking on the phone daily, because he refuses to pick it up when you call.  When you're in a healthy relationship with someone you absolutely have to be authentic, and you have to be able to be YOURSELF. If you feel like you can't do that, or you're not good enough, or funny enough, then you're at a disadvantage in the relationship and it just won't work. 

If your man tells you he wants a break then you must respect that and back off giving him the necessary time and space to figure things out. For now, I would leave him be and wait to hear from him when he's ready to talk. But, I wouldn't wait too long - two to three months maximum. If you haven't heard from him by then, I would move on. I would also make sure if he does come back and want to be together that you take your own advice: "I want to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them, and who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them." If he's not on the same page as you, or you feel the relationship is imbalanced, it's a clear sign he has to go. 

Keep me posted.

Girlfriend 911



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